We’ve all seen it in our friends: hopping from one to the other, never settling, constantly wreaking havoc on their social life and finances. It’s tragic, it’s sad, and it affects far too many of us. Yes, being afraid to commit to a car is a real problem that plagues far too many Americans.
You may suffer it yourself, especially if you lease, or have far too much money. In fact, one man has had twenty-two cars over the span of two decades (we wouldn’t want to be his car insurance company); looking for the right one, we suppose. Here are a few signs that maybe you have trouble committing, and you need to settle down with a nice make and model.
– The car dealership knows you by name, and fears you when you walk in the door.
– Your file of car leases is larger than your tax return… including your shoebox full of receipts.
– You refuse to put on so much as a bumper sticker, even if it says, “I’m proud of my honor student.”
– Friends always ask you what car you’re driving this week. Best friends don’t think it’s a joke.
– You try to find your car in a parking lot, and it takes you fifteen minutes to realize you traded it in for something else a month ago.
– Your bank officer tells you your car loan payment schedule currently extends until you’re 82.
– Your friends start dedicating the Queen song “I’m In Love With My Car” at karaoke ironically.
– The police tell you your car is stolen, and it turns out it was the lease you turned in a week ago.
– You scroll through car blogs constantly, looking for your next “conquest.”
– You drive up to work and are met by security because of the “strange vehicle entering the parking lot.”
– You accidentally steal a car from the parking lot because you left your previous car’s key on your ring. Hey, it fit!
– People start calling you about cars that you’ve owned as a background check.
– Car rental companies keep sending you coupons to see if you’ll start getting your cars from them.
– The IRS audits you because they refuse to believe a taxpayer could have that many car leases deducted on their return.
– Your insurance company has three lines: complaints, new policies, and you.
– Your car is towed and you seriously consider just leasing a new one and letting the bank deal with the parking authority.
– You love having an iPod car kit because it means you’ve finally stopped forgetting to take the CDs out of your old car when you get a new one.
– You consider “it’s a little too dirty” as a valid reason to trade your car in for a new one.
– You park in front of the school to wait for your kids, and they call you on your cell phone to ask where you are.