Dealer: [answers phone] Hello, Will Takitbach Chevy Dealers, Shea V. Rolay speaking. How may I help you?
Customer: Hi, Shea. I’m calling about the Love It or Leave It Promotion you guys are running?
Dealer: Yes, sir. Now through September 4, when you buy a 2012 or 2013 Chevy car, truck, or SUV, you can bring it back if you don’t like it and get your money back. As long as it’s undamaged and has less than 4,000 miles on it, you can return it between 30 and 60 days from the date of purchase — and you’ll get a full refund of the purchase price.
Customer: Oh, I know all of the basics. I just have a few questions about the details of the program.
Customer: Well, first off, if I do bring my vehicle back, do I have a state a reason why I don’t like it? Like, when I buy a shirt that’s the wrong size, or a microwave that won’t fit on my countertop….
Dealer: No, sir. We’ll take it back and refund your money, no questions asked.
Customer: Great! What about my auto insurance premium?
Dealer: I’m sorry, sir. We can’t refund that.
Customer: Hmm. That’s disappointing. Also, do I have to deduct the change that fell under my seats from the refund amount?
Dealer: Um… no. That change is yours to keep.
Customer: But what if my hands are too big to reach under the seat? I have very big hands.
Dealer: Well… that’s nice… but I guess…
Customer: That reminds me. What about the floormats?
Customer: Yeah. Do I get to keep those? They’re really soft and snazzy looking.
Dealer: Er… no, I think we have to take those back.
Customer: Darn it. I really liked them.
Dealer: (uncomfortable pause) Well, sir, if there’s nothing else…
Customer: What about the radio station buttons? Do I have to deprogram them before I return it?
Dealer: Uh… I don’t think you…
Customer: I’ve got a pop station, two country stations, a rap station, and a heavy metal station programmed in, although the metal station doesn’t come in real well in the underground garage where I park to go to yoga class. But maybe that’s a good thing…
Dealer: Sir, we have people who can take care of the radio for you.
Customer: Oh. That’s good. Thanks.
Dealer: Okay. Well, we hope to see you in our showroom…
Customer: Will you take the car back if it smells like cheese?
Customer: Cheese. I’m the inventory manager at the Limburger House, and if I had to make a few deliveries before I returned it…
Dealer: That’s fine. We have people who clean out the cars when they…
Customer: Do they like cheese? I could bring them a few samples.
Dealer: Mmm.. ah.. I don’t know if…
Customer: Oh, and one more thing.
Dealer: (sighs) What is it?
Customer: When I return my Chevy Volt…
Dealer: Oh, you’ve already purchased from us, sir?
Customer: Yeah. Anyway, before I bring my Volt back, do I have to unplug it first?
Dealer: [long pause] CLICK!