Driving under the influence is a dangerous thing to do, both for yourself and for others, and all too often it ends in tragedy. On the flip side, it can also be hilarious, since drunk people are inherently funny. Like that fellow up above, who found himself Internet famous after singing Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” — yes, the whole thing — while in the back of a police cruiser. But there are other achievements in being dumb and drunk behind the wheel. For example:
#5) The Most Inevitable DUI Ever Issued – Christopher Ian Petrie had a dream, and that dream was to own a motorized beer cooler and drive it around. You’ve probably seen this: they’re called Eskys in Australia, where Petrie lived, and Cruzin’ Coolers here in the US. Shockingly, the cooler that could hold quite a few cans of beer was being driven drunk, and Petrie was arrested on DUI. He gets points for cleverness, though: he asked the court whether it could really qualify as a motor vehicle. Somehow, Chris, we don’t quite think that’s the problem.
#4) The Second Most Inevitable DUI Ever Issued – Kyle Wygle was a NASCAR fan, and also apparently somebody who liked to motorize anything he could get his hands on. We say this because he motorized a bar stool to the point where it could go 38 miles per hour, and then actually rode around on the thing. The police found out when Wygle crashed and called for medical assistance. When asked, he admitted to consuming 15 beers before getting on the stool. But, really, it’s a bar stool going nearly 40mph. We can’t blame him. We’d probably consider drinking a few before trying to ride that ourselves.
#3) Persistence Misapplied Will Get You Nowhere – Police were not surprised when they pulled over Anderson Sotomayor on May 2nd of this year. Anderson was behind the wheel, a cold, open 40-ounce bottle of beer in his hand, and he was taken in on 11 charges, including driving without car insurance.
So why wasn’t this a surprise? Anderson Sotomayor had been pulled over for DUI on April 9th. And also April 11th. Apparently he believes he can just drink and drive and eventually the police will get sick of pulling him over. We wouldn’t count on it, Andy.
#2) Keep It in Your Yard – Everybody will occasionally have a beer while mowing the lawn. It’s practically a tradition. But generally, you limit yourself to one or two beers, and you keep your lawnmower on your actual lawn.
Not so with Larry Minniefield, who was spotted by officers on an unrelated call, and ultimately pulled over and arrested. Fortunately, the lawn mower was returned to Larry’s mother instead of impounded.
#1) Drunk Pulls Over Cop – There are many things you should not do if you happen to be driving while drunk. Things like:
– Carrying a large amount of marijuana in the car.
– Making another car pull over.
– Demanding the occupant of that car get out.
– Upon the occupant of the car telling you he’s a police officer, attacking him.
– When he calls for backup, continuing to attack him.
– Attacking other officers when they arrive on the scene.
We owe this knowledge to Christine Scaife, of Winnipeg, who did all of these things. Thanks, Christine, we weren’t sure all of that was a bad idea, but you settled the debate for us.