Usually, auto theft is not a laughing matter. The owner of a stolen vehicle is left without transportation, must call the police and auto insurance company, file a claim, etc… But other times, criminals who aren’t blessed with intellect or common sense can turn a car theft into a comedy sketch.
Here are the top five funniest car thefts of all time.
1. How many keys can a Hummer hold?
One car thief in the state of Washington apparently was thinking big. So he broke into a car dealership and managed to start up a 2003 Hummer. But the criminal wasn’t satisfied with just one vehicle — he then proceeded to steal 60 sets of car keys before making his getaway. The optimistic thief was apprehended a few hours later in the not-very-inconspicuous Hummer, along with all five dozen sets of keys.
2. When 18 wheels meets three Xs
Some auto theft perpetrators don’t have big plans for the vehicles they steal. But one man in Lorain County, Ohio obviously had a well-thought out strategy when he swiped an 18-wheeler from a parking lot in the early morning hours. The bandit drove it to a nearby “adult-themed” store and smashed through the front window of the Adultmart.
But the criminal wasn’t finished. He went straight for his goal before fleeing: an $800 anatomically-correct, mannequin-like sex toy that was for sale in the shop. The stolen rig was found abandoned about a quarter mile away – without the sex toy.
3. Train station mystery
Sometimes, getting your car stolen can actually be a good thing. Take the story of a man who owned a beat-up 1987 BMW 540, which had about 245,000 miles on it. The car was in such bad shape that the man only drove it to and from the train station — about five minutes away from his house. One day, the man limped into the station parking lot despite the transmission slipping badly, then got on the train and went into the city. When he arrived back at the train station, the car was gone. Thinking it was stolen, he bought himself another car the following week.
A month later, the man received a call from police telling him that his BMW had been found. You can imagine the man’s surprise when he discovered that the stolen car was discovered near a different exit to the train station parking lot about 100 feet away. Judging by the dried puddle of transmission fluid on the ground next to it, the BMW’s transmission apparently gave up the ghost when the thief tried to get away.
4. No exit strategy
This dimwitted car thief even got his exploits recorded on security video. How could he have known that the parking lot in Naperville, Illinois where he stole the van would have cameras? Well, one clue was the fact that the lot belonged to a security camera showroom.
Even though the Mensa member was spotted by the remote surveillance camera operator, he still could have made his getaway. Unfortunately, the man drove aimlessly around the parking lot because he apparently couldn’t read the signs leading him to the exits. The police arrived in time to arrest the
5. “Hey, officer!”
This could be the easiest auto theft arrest in history. Earlier this month, two Los Angeles police officers were sitting at a traffic light when a 2000 Honda Civic drove up alongside them. The vehicle’s driver rolled down the window and told the officers, “I just stole this car.”
Why did 27-year old Christian Borro make this startling admission to law enforcement? The officers really never answered that question — though they did state later that Borro appeared to be nervous about the amount of fuel left in the car’s tank. Borro, who had stolen the car in San Diego by using a screwdriver to circumvent the ignition, was immediately arrested by the two policemen. The best part? The Honda’s owner had not yet reported it stolen.