When A Car Is a Weapon

We’ve been watching cars smash into each other almost as long as we’ve had the car itself. In fact, pretty much every time humanity has invented a vehicle, the next question is, “What happens when they run into each other?”, along with “Can we race them?” and “Can we fire weapons out of them?” We thought we’d take a look at recent ramming events and see if we can’t find any time and place in which it’s actually a good idea (hint: We didn’t).

The Lemon Protest

Just recently, a man from Portsmouth, NH, went to his dealership to complain he’d been sold a lemon. The dealership gave his complaints the kind of respect and fair hearing we’ve come to expect from used car salesmen, and he left furious.

So he came back, after dark, and wrecked six cars, all worth over $20,000, including pushing a van far better than his into the woods. We’re not sure what he hoped to achieve: even the man himself, one David Cross, admits that this was a bad idea. Maybe he just wanted a little revenge on his dealership; considering how bad some of them are, we can’t blame him.

Cars Do Not Make Good Siege Engines

Then there’s this incident that just happened in Ireland. The protesters, figuring they had an ideal weapon in a nearby car, lit it on fire, and started pushing it towards police.

They soon learned that was a bad idea. The car, being on an uphill slope, immediately reversed direction and slid down the hill…directly toward the protesters. Fortunately, nobody was hurt in this act of colossal stupidity, and police quickly put the car out of its misery.

It’s Not a Good Idea To Hit a Police Car With One, Either

We don’t really have much to say to Ronnie Carl Shoemake, who took his Geo Metro on a merry chase, going down highways at 90mph and, after blowing a left turn, ramming a police car (with, let us remind you, a Geo Metro). Then he took off again.

We’re assuming he was ultimately captured, because the rubber band powering his car completely unwound.

You Shouldn’t Just Randomly Run Into People, Either

 

Still, the prize for the dumbest criminal trying to impersonate a sheep with his car has to go to Gary Pifer and his four friends. While stopped at the Y, Katerina Meyer, who was driving a car that belonged to her employer, was suddenly rammed by a strange gold van.

The attack went on for several minutes until Meyer called 911 and the police showed up. They promptly arrested Pifer and his four friends. As for what inspired them to such rage towards Katerina Meyer…nobody knows. Neither Meyer nor Pifer and his four friends knew anybody in the other car. Apparently, driving around a gold minivan and running it into a Chevy Malibu is what the kids do for fun in Northern California.

You Shouldn’t Use It To Block Anybody In The Driveway, Either 

Finally, we have…a reality show contestant trying to pick up stuff from another reality show contestant’s house. Jonny Fairplay, the Survivor contestant who we don’t believe has that as a real name, married Michelle Deighton, a former contestant on America’s Next Top Model.

Unfortunately, their marriage ended, and Deighton wanted to pick up a few things at Fairplay’s house. But a strange turn of events had his grandmother angrily blocking her in the driveway. Deighton, in classic reality show style, then tried to ram the old woman’s car out of the driveway before just going around it and driving off.

Worth noting: these people have children.

In short, we can’t think of any scenario in which using your car as a weapon is acceptable. But if you’re a reality TV star, it can at least get you attention.

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