Who Would Win? UFC’s Dennis Siver Vs. A Yugo

SafeAuto is proud to sponsor our Fight Team member Dennis Siver, and excited to see him dominate in UFC® 127: PENN VS. FITCH on February 26, 2011. Since we’re a car insurance company, we couldn’t help but wonder: how would a powerful fighter like Siver fare against one of history’s least powerful cars? Let’s go to the matchup, and see how our competitors weigh in:

Dennis Siver

Nickname: Dennis The Menace

Born: 1979

Height/Weight: 5’7”, 155lb.

Hometown: Mannheim, Germany

Awards and Achievements:

  • 1997 WAKO Kickboxing Champion, Germany
  • UFC Knockout of the Night, 2 times
  • UFC Submission of the Night
  • UFC Fight of the Night

 

Analysis: A Russian immigrant to Germany, Siver is a tough fighter known for his spinning back kick. The fighter fought his way up the ladder to the UFC not once, but twice, starting in small local matches in his hometown before rising to the UFC, falling back to the independent circuit, and then winning a second chance and becoming a driving force in fights. With a 17-7 record, and tendency to win in streaks, Siver is a fierce competitor no matter who he’s up against.

Zavasta Koral

Nickname: Yugo, POS Car

Born: 1978

Height/Weight: 4’7”, 2000lb.

Hometown: Kragujevac, Serbia

Awards and Achievements:

  • Car Talk: Worst Car of the Millenium

 

Analysis: We’re pretty sure the Yugo is somehow cheating on its stats: this is a car that once got blown off a bridge at a full stop on a high wind. It also has real problems with maintenance, and while it’s only a year older than Siver, time has not been kind. Built on a light frame with an interference engine, if its timing belt breaks, the match will be over before it even starts.

How The Match Would Go Down:

Siver unleashes his patented spinning back-kick to the body, expecting only to dent a door panel or maybe smash a window, and instead shocks the crowd and even the competitors in the ring by flipping the Yugo on its side, simultaneously shattering all the windows and popping open both the trunk and hood, marking the biggest upset since Mark Kerr beat himself into a heart attack punching Kazuyuki Fujita’s skull.

Siver immediately takes advantage, pounding the Yugo in the muffler, drive shaft, and gas tank, knocking all three off the undercarriage completely unintentionally and retreating each time to assess the damage and offer the referees the opportunity to end the fight. The referees attempt to intervene, as the Yugo is leaking more fluids than a Worst Cuts video, but the Yugo requests the fight continue.

Which it does, for five more seconds, as Siver performs another spinning back-kick, aiming for a mercy knockout to the headlight, and accidentally hits the Yugo in its timing belt, destroying the engine and rendering it useless.

Siver considers the win no victory, as the Yugo was clearly outclassed, and by mutual agreement, the UFC® strikes the fight from the record. The Yugo is towed to a nearby junkyard, where it is repaired and put on the independent circuit, where it does surprisingly well, largely thanks to being paired with Jose Canseco for its first independent match, and then winning a decisive victory over Shannon Rich.

The Yugo eventually retired and does charity work for disadvantaged vehicles trapped in the inner city.

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